Inner Peace

Today's marks the day of what I can only describe as the purest form and state of Inner peace.

An open letter to me.

To you.

To us all.

I share this in the hope that it brings more truth, openness, love, kindness, peace, harmony and balance into your hearts.

Reflection…

I've realised how I hadn't been showing or expressing my feelings to you as much as I’ve probably wanted to and actually I really needed to, because I was getting so tired of pretending. Performing and acting like it's all ok between us when it wasn't. I began to realise how incredibly difficult it is to sometimes even speak with you and express my emotions to you, this is something still very new to me and I'm learning everyday as I go.

I found myself at times meeting you with sarcasm when you expressed to me, simply because I didn't know how to respond, I'm still finding my way and I now know this was just the lingering of past habits and patterns of the ‘old me’ and that's ok. I've accepted all parts of you and I know that we can continue to work together. At first I found myself feeling a bit hurt by it all but now I can see, accept and understand that it's a completely new way of relating and we are still navigating this new space but I made a promise to never abandon you again and I will continue to meet you with kindness.

I know the mind still wants to bring in those old beliefs but together, slowly, patiently just like everything else, it takes practice. I now understand why I found it difficult to speak with you when you constantly hid those parts of you behind a wall, worried what I may think of you if you showed all parts of you, or how I would treat you if you did express so much vulnerability. When what you’d known for so long was me constantly not giving you the time or space to show you that I cared, no wonder you felt how you did. You didn't feel as if you were worth my time and my energy and that I didn't appreciate you. Now I can see and understand why you held on so tightly and resisted meeting me in this space, because you were so scared. To open your heart again, to bare it all and live wide open, when for such a long time, all you ever knew was how to protect it.

If I did allow you to stop and to just be, you would have to feel it all, at a time when I wasn't able to fully support you. The pain, the hurt, the suffering, the grief, the love and the loss from all your lifetimes, I know that you have been through a lot. These are experiences we all will go through as part of life but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier whenever it suddenly happens to you. With love there eventually comes loss one way or another. Yet what’s in the middle is what’s important. Which is why we must be present and continue to feel what needs to be felt and moved through. What I can only hope is that I help others journey through these spaces in a healthier way and to show the realness and authentic truth of life and all its parts.

I know how scary that must be. But that’s why I came here now, to finally let it all go and fully surrender, to allow us to be in all of this together, all of what you have ever been wanting is here right now.

Knowing the strength you have had to build all this protection and the self determination to keep it up all this time, I know, working together now and using this as your power in the right healthy way, we can build a fucking empire and this is just the begininng. Every ending brings a new beginning.

When one door closes another door opens.

It's not what I knew anymore, it's what I know now and it still feels very new to me but I’m realising now how much energy and power being in that space holds for you and how deserving and worthy you are to be in that space as much as you want and need.

I’m sorry I didn't see you before, to hold you and support you when you needed it the most. All those times you just wanted me there, for you to feel safe to move through what you were feeling. You deserve the absolute world and I am going to continue to make it my absolute priority that you get everything you dream of and more.

I’m now with you all the way, living out so many of your childhood dreams already and to constantly see you doing this I can’t tell you how happy this makes me, I feel so incredibly proud of you every single day.

Proud that together we can continue to live in the reality of your dreams. Yet now we are not chasing, not rushing, just working with the magic, letting it go and trusting and knowing it will come in our own way and feeling at peace with what is. I will never give up on you, for you never gave up on me. This is the union, this is working together, this is peace, balance and harmony right here. You and I.

We are one.

Now and only now can we step into this new life fully, authentically and show up as we are. No more, no less.

When we first started building our relationship, yes I went through all the emotions, anger, frustration, sadness etc. I felt them all and I expressed them all with you and initially you met me with a lot of restrictions, but over time we have committed to this new space of being, where we speak openly together and allow ourselves space to gently come and be as you are. I'm truly grateful for all the time we have given to get to this space, to feel and experience and repair what was once a very difficult relationship between us. It made me realise how much it was just you in there all along.

I also was aware that I could only give so much to you to the point at which you were ready to meet me. This helped to build patience, consistency and trust between us. I always had this deep inner knowing that we would unite, that the relationship would continue to build strength as these changes evolve within us. As we learn to accept and nurture each other.

I realised by suppressing a whole lot of emotions through my younger years it has been a process, a consistent death and rebirth to get to this core essence of who I am at the root of it all. This is where the magic happens and where I will continue to be. Always in the process, because an ending is just another beginning and a beginning just leads us to another ending. A continuation of movement, so we must just be in it. Flow with it, no more battling with each other, no more being at conflict and at war with each other. This is the moment right now.

Because what goes on in here between us is a direct reflection of what goes on out there. You see war and fighting physically right now in the world...

I ask you, how many times a day are you at war with yourself? With others? How long have we been at war? Lifetimes. We are the reason this is happening.

When you know how to work with energy, this is the power and strength of your very being, let's use it in a harmonious way.

What goes on inside of us, will show itself in the external.

The war is within us.

The sooner we start changing the war within, the sooner things change in the outside world.

You are the change.

As Michael Jackson says ‘If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look and yourself and make that change.’

He knew it all, it was all in there, desperate to be heard, seen and felt and sadly, he, like many others, were destroyed for it.

All we truly have is in the process of being, the present, allowing it to the surface now to be felt, moved through and released as we continue to raise the consciousness of the planet.

I understand that it may have been a lot for you to hold on to and it was getting super heavy. I always knew deep down you loved me but I needed to feel it. I needed to experience what love is, what it felt like, what it sounded like, what it smelt like and how it tasted. I apologise for times when I have acted in ways when I didn't know any better. When there were no words, no quality time, no space to receive, no acts or no physical touch. I realise now, how much value and space I hold for all of these love languages. The amount of times I've cried silently over you, I've lost count. Now I take full responsibility for this, so please forgive me.

I have continued to give to you selflessly without expecting anything in return yet holding hope and faith that one day we connect and bring harmony between us and now what I'm met with is euphoric.

I did things outside of me in the hope they would bring me these feelings and every time it just brought me back to you.

All this time and every time, it was always you.

There was still a tiny part of me not so long ago that was waiting to be saved, how I can describe it would be…the princess energy that gets drummed into us. Waiting for the Prince to come along and whip us off our feet and make it all what...disappear?Magically go away...? So that you forget and loose who you are? Why would I want to be saved from myself? I want to embrace and love all that I am and be and walk that. To then be MET with that same energy.

That's the difference.

I am changing the way fairytales go....

Change only comes when you decide you deserve better, when you know your worth and your value. When you stand up for yourself and what you truly feel, and when you walk that path like the fricken Empress and rule your world. When the impact you have over the world has a bigger impact than anyone else will ever have over you, not because you are any better but you are at peace and just know everyone deserves to feel this way.

We didn't come here to live in suffering.

That’s where you'll then be met with peace. Not because you are saving each other but because this was always how it was meant to be. You're not here to be saved, you're here to step into being all that you already are. In all your glory. We walk this path together, hand in hand, heart to heart, equally in union, in peace, balance and in harmony.

We can’t expect others to show us kindness, love and support if we aren't giving it to ourselves. Release the expectation and bring that focus to you.

It really is that simple, yet the journey will be depending on your willingness and commitment to making that change.

We will all go about it in our own ways, but if you feel ready to start making changes now then I am here to guide and support you on that path.

I put up barriers and now I'm building bridges, knowing it's safe to cross between these lands with so much love and compassion.

Spending a few hours with yourself once a month or just here and there, it's difficult to build a stable, committed and balanced relationship. I choose myself, to commit and dedicate my time and value into all that I am, to show myself the way so I can then lead others.

​​Trauma and abuse takes a lot from you, and it takes a whole fucking lot more to build yourself up from all of that. This path has been fucking treacherous at times and whilst I continue to journey this new space I am entering I can only be truthful about the ways in how it shows up for me. To be real. To live wide open. This is what is important for me.

The truth.

I’m sorry. I take full responsibility. Thank you for the lessons and here’s to putting things right.

I have nothing to prove, I am at peace.

I love you.

You are LOVE.

Now I’m ready to change history.

Thanks for being here.

Let's continue to live with open hearts.

Love. Always. ❤️